Wow, I can’t believe it’s been so long since I last wrote anything. Not just here, but in my paper journal as well. There have been so many times that I’ve wanted to write so much down, but nothing ever comes out right anymore. It’s very frustrating for me.
Things are not changing for me, yet. Therapy is pretty much non-existant lately, but it’s no use in going to be honest, because they still haven’t come up with a new diagnosis. So there’s not much they can do for me apparently. I was supposed to see my therapist and doctor yesterday, but I had to cancel because I couldn’t get there. I don’t it really matters if I see them now or not. There’s no treatment for me until I get the diagnosis anyway. Yes, I could talk about how awful I feel and how I’ve not been doing well, but I’m tired of doing just that over and over without anything ever happening to actually help me further.
I’m still going to creative therapy on Fridays, which is nice. I’ve also been doing different training session to learn more about psychosis, how to deal with overreacting etc. Which should be useful and I really hoped it would be something I can use during difficult times, but it’s all been pretty much useless unfortunately. There’s not much information at all and it’s all very superficial as well. Not in depth explanations on how to use what we learn (which is very little).
So, basically, I haven’t been doing much. I went to a 30 Seconds To Mars concert last Tuesday, which was really awesome. We could join them for the sound check, which was great! We could also wait inside all day instead of outside in the rain. Everything was fine until the concert actually started. You Me At Six were the support act and I really like them, but I suddenly felt really sick and had to sit on the floor during their whole set. I tried to stand up, but I almost fainted and my head was killing me, so a friend took me out into the hall. I got some people to check me out and they said I should go take a seat instead of standing the whole concert, which was very nice. I wouldn’t have been able to stand for more than a minute or two. I got some food and a coke, enjoyed the concert from my seat and was glad when I was home again.
Yesterday I wasn’t able to do anything. I felt sick and was in a lot of pain, so I spend a lot of time in bed. Today I’m meeting a friend, but I still feel awful. Light headed, dizzy, nauseous, wobbly legs, headache. I can still barely stand or walk, so it’s going to be hard. Also have to go to a birthday tonight, where it’ll be extremely hot, so I’m dreading going there feeling like this to be honest. Guess I’ll just have to see how it goes.. It’s going to take ages before I’m fully recovered from the concert, meh.😦